Was studying the scriptures from Genesis 25-26 with my cell group at Shalom Church last sunday. As with all bible-in-1-year schedule, we are currently on the book of Genesis. Being back in sushi-land only a few days, my Japanese was rusty and I wasn`t really concentrating on the sharing. After all, we all know the story of Abraham and Sarah and how they got a kid because they trusted in God right?
Wrong.
God is gracious. He opened my mind with new revelations as shared by my cell mates.
1) Turn to God. First thing.
Gen 25:22 The babies jostled each other within her, and she said, "Why is this happening to me?" So she went to inquire of the LORD.
Whenever we feel pain or confused, we tend to run to humans first. I know i am guilty of this. But this scripture reminds us that we ought to turn to God, for He is the one who can explain the mystery to us! Godly counsel is good as well, but we should always ask God first, before turning to our leaders or church friends for advice.
2) Cling on to your birthright: You are a child of God, armed with authority! Remember that!
Gen 25:31 Jacob replied, "First sell me your birthright."
32 "Look, I am about to die," Esau said. "What good is the birthright to me?"
33 But Jacob said, "Swear to me first." So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob. 34 Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left. So Esau despised his birthright.
I have read this passage many times and I always thought that Esau was foolish to give up his birthright so easily for something as trivial as food!
But during the sharing, we were asked this question: `Are we like Esau? Do we give up our birthright (children of God), choosing instead to indulge in worldly desires?`
It struck me at that moment that there were times when I acted like Esau, eager for instant gratification (food in his case) and choosing to abandon his birthright that was so precious.
It seems much easier to point at Esau and laugh at him when actually there are many opportunities when we ourselves are tested.
But God left us with His amazing grace. The forgiveness whenever we come back to the cross and repent. So, remember! All is not lost because our hope and strength is in God whose mercies never fail! Amen!
3) The Abrahamic promise
Gen 26:3 Stay in this land for a while, and I will be with you and will bless you. For to you and your descendants I will give all these lands and will confirm the oath I swore to your father Abraham. 4 I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and will give them all these lands, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, 5 because Abraham obeyed me and kept my requirements, my commands, my decrees and my laws."
God kept repeating His promise to Abraham in Genesis, which is such a great encouragment to me. This Abrahamic promise is also FCBC`s vision: as we seek Him and do His will, He is faithful and will release His blessings on us and let us multiply over the nations on earth. Amen to this!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Conforming or Transforming?
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.Romans 12:2, NAS
“Character is always lost when a high ideal is sacrificed on the altar of conformity and popularity.” --Charles Spurgeon
Reading down a top magazine’s list of the 100 best English-language novels published since 1923 made my pulse quicken and my heart sink. As an avid and admittedly often obnoxiously-distracted-in-public reader (I always have a book on me in case the opportunity to read arises – like when I’m waiting for coffee, caught up in traffic, or standing in a line at the department of motor vehicles, to name a few examples), I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
I nearly had a panic attack, not because of any distaste or disagreement over the books chosen, but because of the number of books listed that I haven’t read yet. Quickly, I made my way to both the local library and Amazon.com websites and planned to start building my reserve list and filling my online shopping cart. As I moved my mouse to the search box so I could enter my selection, a little something I like to call “common sense” came over me. Scolding myself, I whispered with clenched teeth, “Meghan, get a hold of yourself!”
After a few deep breaths, there was a point of rational thinking when I realized that I didn’t even know who wrote the list and that more than half of the books selected would never have been personal choices simply because of my dislike for the authors or the types of literature. I know and read what I like. Occasionally, I’ll try something new or especially challenging just for fun, but mostly I’m loyal to a small circle of favorite authors.
Isn’t easy to get caught up in what everybody is doing? Polls, magazines, television advertisements and movies are constantly telling us how to think, what to wear, who to vote for, what to watch, and in this case, what to read.
As Christians, we need to be especially careful with messages dictating what is “in.” This list of books, for example, had several titles I shouldn’t read simply because I am a Christ follower. It’s not about whether I can “handle” the content, it’s about living a life that reflects and pleases Christ. When I choose to read a book, I’m making a decision to commit hours and hours engrossed in that story. As we choose what to wear, listen to, watch, or read, we need to be remember what Scripture says about how we spend our time and what we spend our time focusing on.
“…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
A friend shared with me that a literature teacher at her Christian college was constantly putting down Christian authors and their books, and encouraging the students to read “good” literature instead. Our discussion concluded with a couple of great thoughts. First, just because something is written well, doesn’t make it “good” or appropriate for Christians. In the same way, just because something is written by a Christian, doesn’t mean it makes for a good read. Most importantly, however, how can we justify spending time on books that don’t glorify God when there are countless wholesome and well written books available… written by both Christian and non-Christian authors?In light of eternity, when I face Jesus one day, I don’t think the excuse that I “dwelt” on something that didn’t glorify God was because, “It was an award-winning book or movie,” will fly. Actually, I would be ashamed to say I let popularity or a good story get in the way of my relationship with Him. Basically, when my time on earth is through, I want it to be clear that transforming into the likeness of Christ was more important to me than conforming to the culture
Intersecting Faith & Life: As Christians, we need to remember that everything we have belongs to God… and with that in mind, consider how we are spending His time
by Meghan Kleppinger, Editor, Christianity.com
Courtsey of http://www.crosswalk.com
“Character is always lost when a high ideal is sacrificed on the altar of conformity and popularity.” --Charles Spurgeon
Reading down a top magazine’s list of the 100 best English-language novels published since 1923 made my pulse quicken and my heart sink. As an avid and admittedly often obnoxiously-distracted-in-public reader (I always have a book on me in case the opportunity to read arises – like when I’m waiting for coffee, caught up in traffic, or standing in a line at the department of motor vehicles, to name a few examples), I just couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
I nearly had a panic attack, not because of any distaste or disagreement over the books chosen, but because of the number of books listed that I haven’t read yet. Quickly, I made my way to both the local library and Amazon.com websites and planned to start building my reserve list and filling my online shopping cart. As I moved my mouse to the search box so I could enter my selection, a little something I like to call “common sense” came over me. Scolding myself, I whispered with clenched teeth, “Meghan, get a hold of yourself!”
After a few deep breaths, there was a point of rational thinking when I realized that I didn’t even know who wrote the list and that more than half of the books selected would never have been personal choices simply because of my dislike for the authors or the types of literature. I know and read what I like. Occasionally, I’ll try something new or especially challenging just for fun, but mostly I’m loyal to a small circle of favorite authors.
Isn’t easy to get caught up in what everybody is doing? Polls, magazines, television advertisements and movies are constantly telling us how to think, what to wear, who to vote for, what to watch, and in this case, what to read.
As Christians, we need to be especially careful with messages dictating what is “in.” This list of books, for example, had several titles I shouldn’t read simply because I am a Christ follower. It’s not about whether I can “handle” the content, it’s about living a life that reflects and pleases Christ. When I choose to read a book, I’m making a decision to commit hours and hours engrossed in that story. As we choose what to wear, listen to, watch, or read, we need to be remember what Scripture says about how we spend our time and what we spend our time focusing on.
“…Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” (Philippians 4:8)
A friend shared with me that a literature teacher at her Christian college was constantly putting down Christian authors and their books, and encouraging the students to read “good” literature instead. Our discussion concluded with a couple of great thoughts. First, just because something is written well, doesn’t make it “good” or appropriate for Christians. In the same way, just because something is written by a Christian, doesn’t mean it makes for a good read. Most importantly, however, how can we justify spending time on books that don’t glorify God when there are countless wholesome and well written books available… written by both Christian and non-Christian authors?In light of eternity, when I face Jesus one day, I don’t think the excuse that I “dwelt” on something that didn’t glorify God was because, “It was an award-winning book or movie,” will fly. Actually, I would be ashamed to say I let popularity or a good story get in the way of my relationship with Him. Basically, when my time on earth is through, I want it to be clear that transforming into the likeness of Christ was more important to me than conforming to the culture
Intersecting Faith & Life: As Christians, we need to remember that everything we have belongs to God… and with that in mind, consider how we are spending His time
by Meghan Kleppinger, Editor, Christianity.com
Courtsey of http://www.crosswalk.com
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
The Little Blessings
Thanks Joy for posting such a meaningful update on your life in Indi-ah.
(You actually very good at writing and very cheem ok. Don't always say your ang moh no good.)
I was very touched when I read what you had wrote. I read it a few times.
(Also because it's the latest post here la)
Sometimes we just learn to accept people as they are.
Do we, sometimes, take a step back to question why people feel the need to be untruthful about things about their lives? What is it that they are going through that they can't reveal the simplest information about themselves?
I guess even for being able to be truthful, is a God-given gift.
Sometimes I take the little blessings that God had put in my life for granted.
Everyday I see the old and frail in my line of work that makes me thank God that that I am ADL (Activities of Daily Lives) independent - a term we use to assess if the patient can bathe, change clothes, eat, go to the toilet by themselves.
That my own parents and grandma are still quite healthy :)
That I don't have to worry about the next meal on my table
Or worry that I have no clothes or shoes to wear, but rather which one , I want to wear.
That I have a warm home and comfortable bed to return to at night.
& the list goes on man.. not to be so sentimental la but I think I can go on for as long as I want to.
That God had chosen me to be his beloved daughter. That He had given me this priviledge to be able to experience Him and to Share his Love with people around us.
I guess that's the most awesome of it all.
How He loves us with no qualms and no conditions.
I give thanks, mostly, to that.
Love, iivi =)
(You actually very good at writing and very cheem ok. Don't always say your ang moh no good.)
I was very touched when I read what you had wrote. I read it a few times.
(Also because it's the latest post here la)
Sometimes we just learn to accept people as they are.
Do we, sometimes, take a step back to question why people feel the need to be untruthful about things about their lives? What is it that they are going through that they can't reveal the simplest information about themselves?
I guess even for being able to be truthful, is a God-given gift.
Sometimes I take the little blessings that God had put in my life for granted.
Everyday I see the old and frail in my line of work that makes me thank God that that I am ADL (Activities of Daily Lives) independent - a term we use to assess if the patient can bathe, change clothes, eat, go to the toilet by themselves.
That my own parents and grandma are still quite healthy :)
That I don't have to worry about the next meal on my table
Or worry that I have no clothes or shoes to wear, but rather which one , I want to wear.
That I have a warm home and comfortable bed to return to at night.
& the list goes on man.. not to be so sentimental la but I think I can go on for as long as I want to.
That God had chosen me to be his beloved daughter. That He had given me this priviledge to be able to experience Him and to Share his Love with people around us.
I guess that's the most awesome of it all.
How He loves us with no qualms and no conditions.
I give thanks, mostly, to that.
Love, iivi =)
Monday, January 14, 2008
God amazes me all the time.
I had coffee with my ABNN driver just now.
Wonder why I did that despite the fact
that he is an Indian (I'm racist) & I have to discount 50% off everything he says.
that we could only communuicate using single vocab.
that he flew me kite on sat to bring me to see Delhi.
that he told me he has no father, mother, brother, sister & friends last wk. But today he told me tat the guy who picked me up this morning is his brother.
that I had 3 cups of coffee before that.
that I was having a migraine.
This brought me back to Isaiah 58 which I posted in earlier. The least I could do was to offer my friendship and tell him God loves him. I trust a seed has been sown.
Sometimes I wonder why I am in this job when I suck big time at it. However, I looked at it today & realised it's all about 'touching lives'.
No matter what job you are holding, whether you are a teacher, a student, a banker or even a housewife, it doesn't matter. Our main vocation is to spread the Gospel.
& when we focus on this vocation, our daily activities become less a chore, more an enjoyment.
"You have one business on Earth - to save souls." -- John Wesley
I had coffee with my ABNN driver just now.
Wonder why I did that despite the fact
that he is an Indian (I'm racist) & I have to discount 50% off everything he says.
that we could only communuicate using single vocab.
that he flew me kite on sat to bring me to see Delhi.
that he told me he has no father, mother, brother, sister & friends last wk. But today he told me tat the guy who picked me up this morning is his brother.
that I had 3 cups of coffee before that.
that I was having a migraine.
This brought me back to Isaiah 58 which I posted in earlier. The least I could do was to offer my friendship and tell him God loves him. I trust a seed has been sown.
Sometimes I wonder why I am in this job when I suck big time at it. However, I looked at it today & realised it's all about 'touching lives'.
No matter what job you are holding, whether you are a teacher, a student, a banker or even a housewife, it doesn't matter. Our main vocation is to spread the Gospel.
& when we focus on this vocation, our daily activities become less a chore, more an enjoyment.
"You have one business on Earth - to save souls." -- John Wesley
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Karen`s letter
Dear Cynthia:
I’m not sure you will see this letter, but I hope my message of gratefulness finds its way to you. I recently read “My Story” online and your openness about your life and your relationship with Jesus has helped move me through a very difficult time in my life.
Let me try to share a little of my own story. A little more than 26 years ago, the Lord brought into my life the most wonderful, Christian young man. I had been a Christian since age 11 and was quite shy and awkward. Okay, I was the proverbial wallflower. Alan was handsome, intelligent, and loved the Lord with a passion I had never seen in a young man. Eight months after we met, we were married. Everything about my life changed. We built a home of peace and love.
We grew to be so much a part of each other that you couldn’t tell where he began and I ended. We worshipped and served the Lord together. And even though we didn’t have tremendous wealth, everyone marveled at our contentment. The Lord also blessed us with three beautiful children, a daughter and two sons. Our children came to know the Lord as their Savior, each at an early age. Life wasn’t always easy, but we walked through all the joys and sorrows as a threesome: the Lord, Alan, and me.
God used Alan’s passion for the Word to make him a tremendous Sunday school teacher at our local Southern Baptist church, and I worked with children and led the Women’s Ministry. Eventually Alan was ordained as a deacon. No man has ever been more honored, not by having a position of leadership but that the Lord saw him as worthy enough to serve people on a greater level. I never dreamed that I could ever be so happy on this earth.
So what could change all this? Brain cancer. About seven years ago, Alan collapsed on the floor of his office in a grand mal seizure. It was so violent that he almost died right on the spot. Someone called me from the office and put the paramedic on the phone. He would not tell me what was going on—just that Alan was unconscious and had to be taken to the nearest hospital immediately. I called our church, and the secretary (who was a good friend) rushed over, picked me up, and drove me to the hospital. Alan was in a daze and the doctor came in the room with the results of a CAT scan. It showed a huge black shadow in the center of his brain. You would think at that moment I would have fallen apart, but there was so much peace in me. I looked at the doctor and simply said, “We have a problem.” The next few days were a blur of hospital tests, doctors, and a biopsy. Alan changed that day. No one else would know it by talking to him, but I knew. Since then, I have often said that my husband died on November 10, 1997. His body just didn’t know it.
The next four years were such a nightmare. This sweet, loving husband and father grew dark, angry, and violent in private. He was given 80 doses of radiation, but eventually they had to remove most of the right temporal lobe of his brain. Our life at home fell into shambles. I fought so hard to hang on to him. But I had to take him to countless appointments, keep track of up to 25 different medications at a time for him, mother three scared adolescents, go back to college to get a degree to start a career, and work part-time to make up for the loss of income while he was on disability.
The book of Job and I became best of friends. Sometimes it felt like Satan had walked into the throne room of God and the Lord said, “Have you noticed my servants, Alan and Karen?” In the end, we lost virtually everything that mattered. Alan lost his mind, our kids lost their father and their security in God, and I lost the other half of who I was.
Most of our friends faded away, and his mother and brother felt that since it was so painful, it was my responsibility to deal with it all and they refused to help. Many women told me that their husbands walked away because they could not deal with the fact that God would allow something like this to happen to someone who loved Him as much as Alan. I will confess, as he was getting worse, I fell apart. There were many things I did that I’m sorry for now, but I can’t turn back the clock.
By the time our oldest child, Rebecca, graduated from high school in 2001, Alan had been in and out of the psychiatric ward three times and had tried to commit suicide once. One month after her graduation, he had a stroke. It left him as a severe Alzheimer’s patient. He lives in a nursing home now. He doesn’t know us. This has truly broken our children’s hearts and almost destroyed both of our sons.
Alan knows my name, but he is mostly like a small child who only understands that I love him and will take him out for ice cream. There are so many things that I’m not telling you because this letter would become a book. Suffice it to say that God has been there all through this with absolute miracles of reassurance and grace. And God has waited quietly at the very times my anger, pain, and exhaustion got in the way of wanting to listen to Him.
So I’m sure by now you are wondering what this has to do with you. The road to healing for the children and me has been long. Each day life gets a little better. Acceptance has replaced most of the anger. We are all able to smile and laugh again, but I know there is still a ways to go.
One day about two months ago, I was having lunch at my desk at work. I’m now a writer and editor for our local newspaper. I went to the Insight for Living Web site to read the daily devotional. I clicked on something and suddenly my screen went black. When it came up, it was at your testimony, “My Story.” I must confess that when I first started reading it, I thought, “This is Cynthia Swindoll; how difficult could her life possibly be?” Then I read the rest and I asked the Lord for forgiveness for my pre-set attitude. I went home that night and listened to the entire broadcast (both days) and printed out two articles on forgiveness that were also available on the Web. Your lesson on forgiveness lay heavy on my heart. I hadn’t thought about how angry I was with so many people for not being there when I thought I needed them. But even worse, I knew that I too needed forgiveness.
So I took a room at a nearby Holiday Inn Express and had a friend stay with my sons. I printed out your story plus the other lessons on forgiveness. When I arrived, I took a shower, got into my pajamas by 7:00 p.m., and sat up that night until 3:00 a.m. I was armed with my Bible, my journal, a legal pad, and the printouts. After a time of prayer and praise, I dove in. I asked the Lord to show me all of my sins over the last seven years. Much to my dismay, the list filled the page quickly. I then went through and prayed over each sin asking God’s forgiveness. When I finished, I took the piece of paper, folded it over, and printed 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (NIV). I then thanked God for forgiving me of so much, tore the paper up, and threw it into the trash.
Then God gave me Hebrews 6:9, “Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation” (NIV). The next step was to make a list of those people I knew I needed to forgive. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much hurt and anger I harbored against some people, especially my mother-in-law and brother-in-law.
My first thought was to choose not to forgive, because they didn’t deserve it for all they had done to Alan and the children. Then the Lord reminded me of how much He had just forgiven me. That settled it. I journaled each person’s name and my perceived offenses. Then I prayed for God to help me forgive each one. When I finished, God gave me Matthew 7:8 to remind me that “For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” (NIV). I sought Him, asked for His help, and He opened a wellspring of forgiveness and peace within me.
But the hardest was yet to come. The last list was of those from whom I needed to ask forgiveness. And of course, the hardest ones on my list were my in-laws. God showed me that if I wanted to put these past seven years to rest, I needed to open the doors of others’ hearts by approaching them with humility. No arguments, no excuses, just simple humility. At the end of that prayer, God gave me Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (NIV).
I wasn’t quite as brave as you. I started where I was most secure, with my children. I then worked my way through other relatives and friends, and finally I asked forgiveness of the ones I feared the most. Everyone, in turn, forgave me. Many of them laughed and some were even a little surprised. I won’t say I am any closer to my mother-in-law or brother-in-law, but there is definitely peace between us. And more than anything, there is finally peace between the Lord and me.
Our daughter, Becky, and her husband, Matt, are due to have our first grandchild in June. Our middle son, Ken, is still in college. Both have a strong faith in the Lord, and I believe this time in their lives will be a testimony to God’s grace on this earth. Our youngest child, Dan, is finishing high school in June. He is a wonderful, loving son; but he is my prodigal where the Lord is concerned. One night in a torrent of tears, he told me that he doesn’t believe in God because no loving God would ever let something like this happen to his dad. My heart aches for him, but I have told him that I will always love him and that I am not afraid of his anger and neither is God. I told him that God does not let go of that which He has taken into His care. Dan accepted the Lord when he was five. He knows the Scriptures well. And I know in my heart that God will restore his faith someday, and it will be a great testimony.
I know that whatever the second half of my life brings, it will continue to be wrapped in God’s perfect will. He called Alan and me to this place to fulfill His purpose. I pray to be faithful enough to do just that. The doctors have said that Alan could stay like this for a day, a week, a month, or 10 years. They don’t understand why he is still with us now. The children and I agree that when the Lord calls him home, it might be sad for some, but for us it will also be a celebration knowing he is finally in the arms of the Savior he adored. I have no doubt in my mind that my computer glitch was meant to send me to your story. Hours later, I went to tell a friend where to find your story, and it took me five minutes of clicking to find it. You helped me to take the next step in this journey. For that, I want to say thank you and may God continue to bless your witness and your testimony to His glory.
With sincerest gratitude,
Karen
Read Cynthia`s Swindoll`s story at
http://www.insight.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=8519&news_iv_ctrl=1963
I’m not sure you will see this letter, but I hope my message of gratefulness finds its way to you. I recently read “My Story” online and your openness about your life and your relationship with Jesus has helped move me through a very difficult time in my life.
Let me try to share a little of my own story. A little more than 26 years ago, the Lord brought into my life the most wonderful, Christian young man. I had been a Christian since age 11 and was quite shy and awkward. Okay, I was the proverbial wallflower. Alan was handsome, intelligent, and loved the Lord with a passion I had never seen in a young man. Eight months after we met, we were married. Everything about my life changed. We built a home of peace and love.
We grew to be so much a part of each other that you couldn’t tell where he began and I ended. We worshipped and served the Lord together. And even though we didn’t have tremendous wealth, everyone marveled at our contentment. The Lord also blessed us with three beautiful children, a daughter and two sons. Our children came to know the Lord as their Savior, each at an early age. Life wasn’t always easy, but we walked through all the joys and sorrows as a threesome: the Lord, Alan, and me.
God used Alan’s passion for the Word to make him a tremendous Sunday school teacher at our local Southern Baptist church, and I worked with children and led the Women’s Ministry. Eventually Alan was ordained as a deacon. No man has ever been more honored, not by having a position of leadership but that the Lord saw him as worthy enough to serve people on a greater level. I never dreamed that I could ever be so happy on this earth.
So what could change all this? Brain cancer. About seven years ago, Alan collapsed on the floor of his office in a grand mal seizure. It was so violent that he almost died right on the spot. Someone called me from the office and put the paramedic on the phone. He would not tell me what was going on—just that Alan was unconscious and had to be taken to the nearest hospital immediately. I called our church, and the secretary (who was a good friend) rushed over, picked me up, and drove me to the hospital. Alan was in a daze and the doctor came in the room with the results of a CAT scan. It showed a huge black shadow in the center of his brain. You would think at that moment I would have fallen apart, but there was so much peace in me. I looked at the doctor and simply said, “We have a problem.” The next few days were a blur of hospital tests, doctors, and a biopsy. Alan changed that day. No one else would know it by talking to him, but I knew. Since then, I have often said that my husband died on November 10, 1997. His body just didn’t know it.
The next four years were such a nightmare. This sweet, loving husband and father grew dark, angry, and violent in private. He was given 80 doses of radiation, but eventually they had to remove most of the right temporal lobe of his brain. Our life at home fell into shambles. I fought so hard to hang on to him. But I had to take him to countless appointments, keep track of up to 25 different medications at a time for him, mother three scared adolescents, go back to college to get a degree to start a career, and work part-time to make up for the loss of income while he was on disability.
The book of Job and I became best of friends. Sometimes it felt like Satan had walked into the throne room of God and the Lord said, “Have you noticed my servants, Alan and Karen?” In the end, we lost virtually everything that mattered. Alan lost his mind, our kids lost their father and their security in God, and I lost the other half of who I was.
Most of our friends faded away, and his mother and brother felt that since it was so painful, it was my responsibility to deal with it all and they refused to help. Many women told me that their husbands walked away because they could not deal with the fact that God would allow something like this to happen to someone who loved Him as much as Alan. I will confess, as he was getting worse, I fell apart. There were many things I did that I’m sorry for now, but I can’t turn back the clock.
By the time our oldest child, Rebecca, graduated from high school in 2001, Alan had been in and out of the psychiatric ward three times and had tried to commit suicide once. One month after her graduation, he had a stroke. It left him as a severe Alzheimer’s patient. He lives in a nursing home now. He doesn’t know us. This has truly broken our children’s hearts and almost destroyed both of our sons.
Alan knows my name, but he is mostly like a small child who only understands that I love him and will take him out for ice cream. There are so many things that I’m not telling you because this letter would become a book. Suffice it to say that God has been there all through this with absolute miracles of reassurance and grace. And God has waited quietly at the very times my anger, pain, and exhaustion got in the way of wanting to listen to Him.
So I’m sure by now you are wondering what this has to do with you. The road to healing for the children and me has been long. Each day life gets a little better. Acceptance has replaced most of the anger. We are all able to smile and laugh again, but I know there is still a ways to go.
One day about two months ago, I was having lunch at my desk at work. I’m now a writer and editor for our local newspaper. I went to the Insight for Living Web site to read the daily devotional. I clicked on something and suddenly my screen went black. When it came up, it was at your testimony, “My Story.” I must confess that when I first started reading it, I thought, “This is Cynthia Swindoll; how difficult could her life possibly be?” Then I read the rest and I asked the Lord for forgiveness for my pre-set attitude. I went home that night and listened to the entire broadcast (both days) and printed out two articles on forgiveness that were also available on the Web. Your lesson on forgiveness lay heavy on my heart. I hadn’t thought about how angry I was with so many people for not being there when I thought I needed them. But even worse, I knew that I too needed forgiveness.
So I took a room at a nearby Holiday Inn Express and had a friend stay with my sons. I printed out your story plus the other lessons on forgiveness. When I arrived, I took a shower, got into my pajamas by 7:00 p.m., and sat up that night until 3:00 a.m. I was armed with my Bible, my journal, a legal pad, and the printouts. After a time of prayer and praise, I dove in. I asked the Lord to show me all of my sins over the last seven years. Much to my dismay, the list filled the page quickly. I then went through and prayed over each sin asking God’s forgiveness. When I finished, I took the piece of paper, folded it over, and printed 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (NIV). I then thanked God for forgiving me of so much, tore the paper up, and threw it into the trash.
Then God gave me Hebrews 6:9, “Even though we speak like this, dear friends, we are confident of better things in your case—things that accompany salvation” (NIV). The next step was to make a list of those people I knew I needed to forgive. I hadn’t realized until that moment how much hurt and anger I harbored against some people, especially my mother-in-law and brother-in-law.
My first thought was to choose not to forgive, because they didn’t deserve it for all they had done to Alan and the children. Then the Lord reminded me of how much He had just forgiven me. That settled it. I journaled each person’s name and my perceived offenses. Then I prayed for God to help me forgive each one. When I finished, God gave me Matthew 7:8 to remind me that “For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” (NIV). I sought Him, asked for His help, and He opened a wellspring of forgiveness and peace within me.
But the hardest was yet to come. The last list was of those from whom I needed to ask forgiveness. And of course, the hardest ones on my list were my in-laws. God showed me that if I wanted to put these past seven years to rest, I needed to open the doors of others’ hearts by approaching them with humility. No arguments, no excuses, just simple humility. At the end of that prayer, God gave me Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (NIV).
I wasn’t quite as brave as you. I started where I was most secure, with my children. I then worked my way through other relatives and friends, and finally I asked forgiveness of the ones I feared the most. Everyone, in turn, forgave me. Many of them laughed and some were even a little surprised. I won’t say I am any closer to my mother-in-law or brother-in-law, but there is definitely peace between us. And more than anything, there is finally peace between the Lord and me.
Our daughter, Becky, and her husband, Matt, are due to have our first grandchild in June. Our middle son, Ken, is still in college. Both have a strong faith in the Lord, and I believe this time in their lives will be a testimony to God’s grace on this earth. Our youngest child, Dan, is finishing high school in June. He is a wonderful, loving son; but he is my prodigal where the Lord is concerned. One night in a torrent of tears, he told me that he doesn’t believe in God because no loving God would ever let something like this happen to his dad. My heart aches for him, but I have told him that I will always love him and that I am not afraid of his anger and neither is God. I told him that God does not let go of that which He has taken into His care. Dan accepted the Lord when he was five. He knows the Scriptures well. And I know in my heart that God will restore his faith someday, and it will be a great testimony.
I know that whatever the second half of my life brings, it will continue to be wrapped in God’s perfect will. He called Alan and me to this place to fulfill His purpose. I pray to be faithful enough to do just that. The doctors have said that Alan could stay like this for a day, a week, a month, or 10 years. They don’t understand why he is still with us now. The children and I agree that when the Lord calls him home, it might be sad for some, but for us it will also be a celebration knowing he is finally in the arms of the Savior he adored. I have no doubt in my mind that my computer glitch was meant to send me to your story. Hours later, I went to tell a friend where to find your story, and it took me five minutes of clicking to find it. You helped me to take the next step in this journey. For that, I want to say thank you and may God continue to bless your witness and your testimony to His glory.
With sincerest gratitude,
Karen
Read Cynthia`s Swindoll`s story at
http://www.insight.org/site/News2?page=NewsArticle&id=8519&news_iv_ctrl=1963
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Submit to God, Resist the Devil
5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.
10 But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
11 To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
1 Peter 5:5-11 (NKJV)
5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,
7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.
9 Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.
10 But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
11 To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
1 Peter 5:5-11 (NKJV)
Friday, January 11, 2008
Halo!
Halo! Finally the least tech saavy person is on board.. hehe.. I saw Joy's email to my gmail account okay. So having a separate account for you guys works.
Anyway, Thanks Chloe for starting our blogging adventures again heehee..
Today me feeling a bit diarhea-ish.. haiz.. pray that will feel better soon.
See you guys tonight at TC!
Anyway, Thanks Chloe for starting our blogging adventures again heehee..
Today me feeling a bit diarhea-ish.. haiz.. pray that will feel better soon.
See you guys tonight at TC!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Power Prayer
Hey gals!
Did you try out the power prayer that Chloe shared with us the other time?
It's great! Give it a try if you haven't. You'll notice a difference. :)
Did you try out the power prayer that Chloe shared with us the other time?
It's great! Give it a try if you haven't. You'll notice a difference. :)
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
cabin crew: (in indian accent) Excuse me, i need to pull that thing.
me: pardon?
cabin crew: I need to pull that thing. ( pointing to somewhere above my head)
me: oh ok (& moving in so that he can reach for his 'thing')
So he pulled out a TV above me MANUALLY so that passengers behind me can watch the safety video
me (in my head): oooooooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!!
picture of tv to be posted later.
Note to self 1: Never take automation for granted
Note to self 2: Never comment that SQ girls are ugly. Nor Cathay/Thai Air/Viet Air/Msia Air
me: pardon?
cabin crew: I need to pull that thing. ( pointing to somewhere above my head)
me: oh ok (& moving in so that he can reach for his 'thing')
So he pulled out a TV above me MANUALLY so that passengers behind me can watch the safety video
me (in my head): oooooooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!!
picture of tv to be posted later.
Note to self 1: Never take automation for granted
Note to self 2: Never comment that SQ girls are ugly. Nor Cathay/Thai Air/Viet Air/Msia Air
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
Heart of love and gratitude ~ John13:34-35
When I was leading the retreat on 1 Jan with all of you. My heart just melts away. Who has given me the strength and ability to lead a cell?
Who has given me the time to organise a retreat?
Who has given me all that I can have?
Who has given me all these friendship with all of you?
I know for sure... My Lord, you trusted me and had faith in me though I struggled with me past. Though I am not holy holy.. or a perfect person yet you chose me to do many things . That is why I have faith in God that all of you are Princess warriors ( the Mulan kind ... haahaa ) and victors!
Just as I reflect the day when I came home. Though tired, I am overwhelmed with God's love as I spend time with all of you. Although this season is quite different for me I guess GOD uses all of you to teach me "I am a minister, priest,worshipper,sister and mentor(mommy) in Christ" Other then fulfilling my role well as a daughter and a wife with my family.
I really thank those who came and also those who are late thank you for waking up and making your efforts =) I know Sarita must have dreamt of me nagging her when she pressed away her alarm heee....! Iivi, its ok... set it as your goals in 2008 that you will be with us ok! Angel ... Thank you coming out of comfort zone.
Thank you Chloe for taking time to share the song and translating what you learn about the Holy Spirit ( its not an easy job but its the first step to interpretor's job haaa)
Mu... You have improved so much in everyway. Thank you for taking the courage to lead worship & prepare.
Junee thank you for helping me with preparing the logs for washing feets.
Joy you did well in helping me with the food and all... and all...communication
ALl of you have make all these possible... your presence encourages me as a leader/ mommy and thank God for trusting me and growing with me. I know I am not the best leader u can have ( cos the best is JESUS) ... I really appreciate all of you.
John 13:34-35
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
Who has given me the time to organise a retreat?
Who has given me all that I can have?
Who has given me all these friendship with all of you?
I know for sure... My Lord, you trusted me and had faith in me though I struggled with me past. Though I am not holy holy.. or a perfect person yet you chose me to do many things . That is why I have faith in God that all of you are Princess warriors ( the Mulan kind ... haahaa ) and victors!
Just as I reflect the day when I came home. Though tired, I am overwhelmed with God's love as I spend time with all of you. Although this season is quite different for me I guess GOD uses all of you to teach me "I am a minister, priest,worshipper,sister and mentor(mommy) in Christ" Other then fulfilling my role well as a daughter and a wife with my family.
I really thank those who came and also those who are late thank you for waking up and making your efforts =) I know Sarita must have dreamt of me nagging her when she pressed away her alarm heee....! Iivi, its ok... set it as your goals in 2008 that you will be with us ok! Angel ... Thank you coming out of comfort zone.
Thank you Chloe for taking time to share the song and translating what you learn about the Holy Spirit ( its not an easy job but its the first step to interpretor's job haaa)
Mu... You have improved so much in everyway. Thank you for taking the courage to lead worship & prepare.
Junee thank you for helping me with preparing the logs for washing feets.
Joy you did well in helping me with the food and all... and all...communication
ALl of you have make all these possible... your presence encourages me as a leader/ mommy and thank God for trusting me and growing with me. I know I am not the best leader u can have ( cos the best is JESUS) ... I really appreciate all of you.
John 13:34-35
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
We are the reason - Avalon
As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
We would dream of Christmas morn
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives
We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live
As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love
I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him
Re: login
Dear Itsiedotty,
Were you asked to enter a password?
Or have you ever registered this email adress on blogger before?
You shld be able to use the same login name & password.
Isaiah 58:6-8
6 Is this not the fast that I have chosen:
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To loose the bonds of wickedness,
To undo the heavy burdens,
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
To let the oppressed go free,
And that you break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your bread with the hungry,
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
And that you bring to your house the poor who are cast out;
When you see the naked, that you cover him,
And not hide yourself from your own flesh?
8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning,
Your healing shall spring forth speedily,
And your righteousness shall go before you;
The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.
This is the fast our God has chosen.
Have you been feeding the hungry, sheltering the poor & lost or clothing the naked?
What is your focus? Building the kingdom on earth or in heaven?
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Thanks for setting up OUR blog. Yay!
Dear Prancing Pony, thanks for taking the time and effort to do this. it's great now that we have our own blog. one question though, after i log out today, how do i re-login without the special invite? hee...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Cell verse for 2008 - Psalm 84
Psalm 84
For the director of music. According to gittith. Of the Sons of Korah. A psalm. [a]
1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah
5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools. [b]
7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah
9 Look upon our shield, [c] O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.
10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.
For the director of music. According to gittith. Of the Sons of Korah. A psalm. [a]
1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
they are ever praising you.
Selah
5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools. [b]
7 They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty;
listen to me, O God of Jacob.
Selah
9 Look upon our shield, [c] O God;
look with favor on your anointed one.
10 Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.
12 O LORD Almighty,
blessed is the man who trusts in you.
2008.. it can only get better!!
Colossians 3:12-14
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Let`s enjoy more of one another in 2008!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
